The Cowardly Lion

Due to the lack of people, and therefore cars, in Bluffon, I do think that the good and necessary habit of checking one's blind spot while driving might very well peter out for those who live here for any length of time. I always feel like I'm driving alone, and there are often no cars immediately around me, which leads to easy lane changes.

Deja vu. Weird.

I say the above sentences with love and a smile, because Bluffton has definitely grown on me in just the week I've been here. I've never lived in a small town before (although Daniel would argue that this is not small) so I feel that I need to document these  ideas - that probably won't manifest like I say they will - and look back on them later with a chuckle.  I don't know if you saw my Facebook addendum, but another characteristic of this town I already hold dear to my heart is the multitude of what appears to be political campaign signs in people's yards and on the sides of businesses, instructing you to "Pray Dailey" (yes, spelled such), and "Pray for Floneta Welsh," and other individuals. (I only remember Ms. Welsh because I drive past there frequently). Why no one does that in the South, I don't know. Seems like fewer people would drive by a house and wrinkle their nose with signs imploring you to pray, or think of them (if you don't pray), than with names of political candidates. But what you wrinkle your nose at is a personal thing. I always sigh when I see party advertisements in yards, but maybe that's a bad sign of apathy towards politics. 

Anyway. Day 2 of internship. It feels so odd to say that because just last week internship seemed as far away as it did my freshman year. 

I'm extremely excited, yet at times fear builds up inside me in a strong way. That mostly comes when I think about meeting the consumers and not knowing how they'll react and/or behave, if I'll be able to understand them, and how I'll handle it. At those moments, I've caught myself thinking, "I'd be really good at a managerial job, at doing all that paperwork." It's an interesting observation, and just being aware of that helps me regroup, take a deep breath and say, This is what you're trained to do. You've done this before, and you can do it now. All the consumers are curious about meeting me, and I think I'm scared I'll let them down, or they'll try something inappropriate (which heavens knows I've dealt with before), or I'll just freeze.

I've always been scared of being put on the spot, being asked to do something I can't do, and failing. 

That's the truth. I'm scared of being wrong and being judged in something I'm supposed to know about. I almost always feel the most comfortable watching someone else go first (and the lovely Sara B. usually gave me that courage during classes), and I can't do that here. I've been slowly working on it the past few years, but it's very gradual.

You need courage in this profession. Someway, somehow, somewhere, you have to muster it up and keep it deep within your belly and heart, ready to pull out and charge forward.

I have to determine personal and professional goals soon, but I'll post them and others here soon.

Fellow interns, did you ever have moments of fear, doubt, anxiety?